i still survived

photo by Pacilia @ Botanical Garden, Putrajaya

I have been enjoying my weekend with my family lately. We planned for a getaway in the last minute and we just went with the flow, everything seems good and I am glad that I truly enjoy my life now. 
Being an graduate architect is not easy, to me it's sort of like a transitional period for me to gain as much as i can either in experiences or knowledge in order to qualify to sit for the part 3. 
Its a cyclical kind of lifestyle that you will get upset due to some obstacles, or your idea did not convinced others or everything goes well. Lot of things can be happened in real practice where I have been through the depressed state of wondering what am I doing, which direction I should take or what I really want and so on. Life still continues, and I still survived. 


Everything seems difficult when your heart and passion is not there. 
I know where I belong. 

One year later

I always wonder how am I doing after one year graduated from school. People around me started plan to work in oversea and they asked me don't you ever want to work out there? Of course the answer is yes but not at the moment. The time will come I know but surely not now. Then some of them will ask me how long you gonna work in this company, aren't u wanna try out other company? Of course the answer is yes but not at the moment .

Too many plans I wanna do and it all take few years to complete it. Life indeed is a long journey yet it is short.

As I walk along life’s pathway,
Though the way I cannot see,
I shall follow in His footsteps,
For He has a plan for me. —Thiesen

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. —Proverbs 16:9

想当年

花谢了，有再开的时候，
而错过了，难免再有机会弥补


photo by pacilia @ Ho Chi Minh 2011

还以为那是很久的事，其实那记忆还清晰
蹲坐在那一角的她，明白了很多很多
过去每走的一步，过去每一个决定
都是今天的反射


总是在肉体与灵性之间徘徊
回来又回去，回去又回来
领悟了也跌到过
这原来就是成长的意思


人生太短，时间太快
而世人却还熟睡着
只是清醒地那一刻
会不会太迟

Blessed Easter

Jesus died and he rose again, that's the reason we celebrate his resurrection of life. 
Therefore, through him we can have a new life and eternal life. 

What's matter?

What matters most?
After all the hassles, the after effect of it all, does it all really matters?

It's always easier to avoid things than to face it and overcome it. It matters if a person never learns from the past and repeat the same mistakes. It doesn't matter how long it takes as long as the desire of wanting to change is there always.

The next phase of life after  five years of studying architecture will be much different. To me it will be a skill a passion a desire to continue in next phase of architecture life. It's a very long journey and will it matter me?

No matter what we do let's do it the best way as if there is no tomorrow to do it over again. Then life won't have many regrets.

He says more passion needed!
That's the matter I believe!

The Purpose Of Life_09

Indeed it was just a dream. When I woke up I released I was so wrong. I know I should have stopped doing earlier but I keep failing to do. Trying so hard yet ended up with nothing. When u are getting sick of doing something because you know it's not worthy to do it anymore. Life is short., I only live it once, therefore must treat it nicely, live it happily.

I have decided to move forward. Thanks for those who hurt me for they made me strong. Thanks for those who challenged me for they made me tough.

2012 is gonna be a great year. No what circumstances that I go through one thing matter which is God with me.

The Purpose of Life_08

夕阳西下明天又是给大好天 ~ 越南 2011

展望新年

因为今年会比去年好

原谅过去自己的错误

重新开始

因为没什么事是不能

未来的路还很长

既然已经开始了

那就继续前走吧

虽然周围环境

人情事物

都不再一样

但是那赤热的心

还是再燃烧

越久越猛

The Purpose Of Life_07

阿柒第一年

连锁模型

末了。。。

才蓦然经历的曾经也不过如此

我会笑当初那无畏的泪水

也会笑那无知做作的态度

五年了。。。

才蓦然经历了多少个不眠夜

我会笑那执着的自己

也会笑那没有主见的自己

五年后又六个月了。。。

才蓦然经历了多么轻松的日子

且搁置了那五年酝酿的热忱

有点陌生又有点害怕

有点自私又有点怠慢

这些日子

过的有些快

有些恍惚

有些懵懂

我还是我吗

我还是原来的我

总是要到最后

才明白他人的用心良苦

因为在意所以哭泣

因为不舍所以坚持

因为热忱还在，如火燃烧

所以继续

继继续续。。。

如你有同感

记得加油！

The Purpose of Life_06

photo by pacilia in KL, Malaysia

It has been more than one month since my last post. I realized graduation is not the end of learning architecture, it is just a new beginning. I realized to be a graduate architect is even harder than being a student. 

I knew I am not a natural designer when I first started design in the first year, but I proved myself that with the hard work that I put in and the blessings of God, I can be a designer. That's why I got into the Part 2 course and I survived my thesis year. I believe nothing is impossible if you do not try, you will never ever achieve what you want in life. God planted an architecture seed in my heart, and it began to grow together  with a bigger desire in my mind. When I design I must to it with all my soul and all my mind, as if I do it for the Lord.

When I started working, everything is so difficult in the beginning. Slowly I picked up new details, new concepts, new possibilities of design schemes every day. I began to see myself moving forward and pushed myself to be a better designer than I was before. Every day is a new day for me cause I know I am gonna learn or experience something new. Life is always full of surprise cause no one will know what is going to happen next. 

When I was in part 1, part 2 is so far away for me and part 3 is just a dream to me. 

When I finished my part 2, part 3 is still a dream to me. 

When I started to work, I am going to make this dream come true. 

With God's will, nothing is impossible. 

The Purpose Of Life_05

photo by pacilia @ Getty Center, Los Angeles, 2009

I promised myself to travel to US again as long as my Visa is not expired yet

8years to go...

I have been working for almost four month from home. It is sucha wonderful experience that I ever had.

But very soon, I will start working in an office. It's going tobe another challenge for me as I will have to drive long distance to my new office. Workinglife will be like a daily routine kind of experience where you have wake up early in the morning andhave your quick breakfast, then you dress up and after that you depart tooffice. Once you have arrived in office, you say "hi" to your colleagues and bosses, andthen you will immediately sit down in front of your PC, and start working for the wholeday. Sometimes, you go to see clients, suppliers or visit to site. Sometimes,you have meetings or discussion with your boss or colleague and sometimes youjust do your own stuff without even bother others.

If there is no OT, then you can leave the office at 6pm sharp, and probably you want to have dinner or watch a movie with your friends. By timeyou arrive home, it’s already 10 or 11pm, and then you take a bath and go tosleep.

If there is any OT, most likely you have to work until 10 or 11or even overnight. I am sure you won't have the mood for anything else and all you want is proper rest.

That's working life, sounds boring huh.Therefore the fun partmust emerge your working life.

Enjoy the challenge as a graduate architect and I believe fewmore years later, things will be different. I will be different.

The Purpose of Life_04

I survived in the architecture school 2010

I have been waiting this day for the past five years, and finally I graduated. Words can’t describe the journey that I had been through, but I must say all the tears and hard work that I put in, it’s all worthy.

I seriously miss those days while I was still a student in school. I miss every crit/discussion that I had with my tutor, every comment that given by them was actually helped me to be a better designer. Here I am, received my certificate on my commencement and proudly to declare that, I survived in architecture school.

Life after 5 years of learning architecture is even crucial. Undergo the transitional period is not easy but I believe this is part of the life. It’s a life cycle where you can’t run away. You got to face it and go for it. I love to have challenges so that it will make me tougher and I can foresee those challenges are coming over me.  I got to accept it and get it done one by one.  At the same time, I can experience the God’s goodness performs during the struggle times.

I know everything by heart, sometimes I didn’t spell it out doesn’t means I do not know. I just choose to be an easy way out to ignore it and live a better life. I know my purpose of this temporary life and there are things have to be done while I am still capable for that.  

Most important, I am not facing the life alone because God is with me all the time.

God is good all the time, all the time God is good. His faithfulness endures forever, he embraces me with love, and he restores my brokenness.

Steve Jobs 1955-2011

‎" your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Jobs’ lesson for architects and architectural students is to hold your nerve. If you can intuit what your client’s needs, design in ‘a surprise and delight’. If you get it right, success is certain. If you don’t get it right, each failure shortens the learning curve. Nothing risked, nothing gained. 

The Purpose of Life_03

photo by pacilia @ St Marry Church, Singapore 2010

2 days left for my commencement.  I guess I am excited for it.

Last night, I heard from him that she engaged with a guy whom I knew as well.  When they decided together two years ago, I know they will get married one day. I can see they are serious about it but of course they are people out these find hard to convince and accept them. Anyway, it’s not about others, it’s all about her and her husband.

Marriage is something very important in life, but of course there are many people treat it as a game. There is no commitment and they just want to have fun with it. I guess marriage really need courage to accept someone enter your life and you gonna spend the rest of your life with the person you have chosen.

Of course, they are people also hunting for someone for so many years yet they find nobody. Perhaps the Mr Right has yet to appear and those who appeared are usually not the person you look for. They are also people claimed that she finally found someone that she loves but due to certain reason that they just can’t be together. Apart from all these, there are thousands of reasons why people still being single. Many people came across in your life, some may stay longer than others and some may just leave you without any memories. I believe it’s uneasy to find someone that you love and he/she loves you at the same time. Timing has to be perfect and only God knows the perfect timing.

I believe in God that he will plan for the marriage for those who believing in Him. 

The Purpose of Life_02

photo by pacilia @ Faculty Build and Environment, UM

8 days left for my commencement. I am bit excited for it may be it is because my first commencement in year 2009 meant nothing to me. I remember I was rushing for my submission and my parents were absent.

I actually wanted to work after my commencement, to have hibernation and get enough of rest. 

Who knows, I start to work in July and surprisingly, it's almost the end of my probation period. 

In the real world, people work for money, they are like a slave of money, day and night working for the sake of income, to survive and secure for a better future.

I had a conversation with my friend lately. He mentioned to me about the system in this world is funny. People choose to follow the system, live a routine daily life and fight for greater achievement or satisfaction.  There are people actually being an imposter just to adapt to this kind of environment, they follow blindly on what is happening in the society. They do whatever that had been asked to do.

As a child of God, I believe there is a purpose of each life in this temporary world. God has his plan for me and his plan is greater than everything else. He put me the desire and passion in architecture and he wants me to do something great in future.  It’s a long learning process that requires just a simply faith, passion heart and enthusiasm desire. 

The journey may seems lonely sometimes, but as long as keep on uphold the faith that you strongly believe in, I know everything is possible.

The Purpose of Life 01

Labuan, Sabah 2011

It has been few weeks since my last post.
I guess I am still trying hard to adjust myself in a transitional period. 
Sometimes, I do what I supposed to do without thinking too much.
Sometimes, I choose to be quiet when any questions that throw at me. 
Sometimes, I just want to be still and come into your presence as long as I could
Sometimes, I choose to shut down everything that surrounding/happening in my life


The real world is not fun at all
That's the reason I have to make fun of it
Kevin shared this to me


Now is the time you buckle down to learn what architecture practice is really all about, while not forgetting a single thing you studied in school, because when you have finally understood enough and it comes time for you to put it all together, you will be in the best position to do the most creative work possible. Architecture isnt for the impatient or those looking for quick glamour, pacilia. So sit tight, and make learning about the practice fun for yourself!


Perhaps I need longer time to tune in the new life, new environment and the real world. 

原点

那刺热的心，还在燃烧
photo by pacilia @ KK, Sabah

人还是回来了
回到了原点
回到当初的自己


只是改变不了的回忆
还再脑海里荡漾着
一切都还很清晰
只是少了一些的存在


那句点完成的时候
泪再没有轻易脱眶
或许已经明了
当初的执着也是自己做作的假象
泪都往肚子里吞
那是因为感觉都麻木了


没有完美的个体
也没有打不倒的毅力
选择了这样的句点
是该往美好的开始


只是
此刻
一切
还清晰
少了那
不再有的消息


心已泪，伤已重

friend is a mirror

photo by pacilia @ KK 2011

In life, we all make new friends along the journey.
some may just pass by you whereas some may stay and share some memories with you.
no one is means to be there forever as life is a temporary thing, what we could do is to cherish the moment we have. 


friend is a mirror that sometimes reflect you something which you can't discover by yourself.
it doesn't means that what they reflect is the truth of you because it may be their own perspective on you which didn't apply to other people. It is totally up to you to agree or disagree with them. 


I guess a friendship can move forward only when you agree with friend, if you are disagree, definitely you guys will end up with arguments and dissatisfaction.Of course in life, we will meet this kind of friend  somehow. it's good to encounter different friends in your life so that you know how to deal with them differently, but to some extend, you might be feeling tiring as you may doing things you don't like. and if you would do things that you prefer it may creates unhappiness to others, it's not easy to deal with people feelings and emotions. 


no one is perfect, we can't expect people to have do this do that cause eventually you will be hurt if they failed to do it. therefore, take life easy, be happy. 

Greatest Friend is God

James 4:8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

How To Pick Your Friends

Proverbs 12:26 One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Proverbs 14:6-7 A scoffer seeks wisdom in vain, but knowledge is easy for a man of understanding. Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.

Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

How To Treat Your Friends

Luke 6:31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.

Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Importance of Friendships

Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.

Proverbs 24:5 A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might,

Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Happy Birthday - 生日快乐

gReeN teA Cake :)

朋友逐渐结婚了

十年前，大家或许会聊理想的对象
十年后，结婚的对象往往不是从前理想的

荷叶也为 “爱”  绽放微笑
photo by pacilia @ KK, Sabah 2011

婚姻是为两人而创的
圣经记载：




因 此 ， 人 要 離 開 父 母 ， 與 妻 子 連 合 ， 二 人 成 為 一 體 。创世记 2：24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 NIV


最近
发现身边的朋友逐渐地结婚了
接着
还会听闻他们生儿育女
实在不简单


然
向往自由无拘束的你
何时才需要一个归宿


而
岁月一旦挥霍就不再倒流
何时才肯度过两人世界


实在不简单
没那么简单


若
上帝意愿
全然降服

慌了 乱了 灰了

那是一艘寂寞的小伐
photo by pacilia @ labuan, 2011

冲忙的告别
换来了那无味的伤痕
心还是累了


彳亍那海湾
天是那么的宽
海是那么的深
心却是封闭的


忘了当初是这样的说再见
如今也没勇气再说再见
如果再见是为了再见
是否还来得及说再见


慌了
乱了
灰了
那无法拼凑的心
要这么挽回


笔于
素君
二零零一年，八月 二十日

Be Calm

this creature is so beautiful
the creator is awesome
my creator created this

I encountered a small accident this morning.

What a coincident, the guy's wife is UM tutor but not in my faculty.

He looks decent and asked for a nearby workshop to get my car repair.

I realized so many accidents happened within this two years after I have my new car. 

I guess the most serious accident that I ever had and it's almost pay my life is the one I bang the highway divider caused I fall in sleep right after my thesis submission. 

I am still survive until today.

Lesson has to be learned and benefit from it.

I have to me more extra careful next time

I thank God for every lesson that he planned for me as it's not to harm me but to mould me to be a better person. 

I surrender :) 

Be decent

Sunset @ Tanjung Aru, Sabah, 2011
I could enjoy the sunset as much as I enjoy my life

It has come to a point in my life that I achieved a balance where my priorities are concerned.

The picture is very clear to me as I read the story and had experienced it from the beginning until now.

I have difficulties in settling down as I still enjoy my life after thesis.

There was so much for me to learn and explore which fascinates me all the time.

This moment today will become tomorrow's history, as life is about moving on and not staying back.        Like a huge mountain that you keep climbing until you arrived at  the peak. 

As you look back, you will realize how decent you had been as you went through all the difficulties and that God is always there faithful to you

if God never failed you then why would you fail him?
if God never disappointed you then why would you disappoint him? 
if God's mercy endure forever,why can't you embrace it forever?


Be decent in everything you do in life, cause God knows everything. 

文字

烟花短暂却美在那霎时
photo by pacilia @ Penang 2011

要用甚麼 接近永恆的方式
來收藏紀念自己 的心事
以便多年後還記得 自己當時
曾經焦爐 欣喜 困頓 幸福的樣子
或許是 素雅的 純文字的 詩
－方文山－


多年前 就明白了这个道理
多年后 默然发现写了很多


很多很多的琐碎事件
一二再 再二三的徘徊
澎湃的打在那记忆库里
画面再倒退 记忆渐模糊


写多了 自然而然地开拓了另个世界
那个没有尽头的世界
任由我去构思与想象


就这样
文字离不开我
就好像
我离不开文字

涂鸦

photo by pacilia@penang 2011

打开那些陈旧的画面
温习过往的心情
接着开始构造属于自己的世界


想像太多只是奢侈的作为
涂鸦的画面再倒退
也再更迭


关上那些陈旧的画面
回到现在
一切依旧
只是少了那个人
那个味道
那个昨天
还有，还有
那个没有完成的画面

蓦然回首

山，是那么的遥远
却那么的贴近，心
photo by pacilia@ Loei, Thailand 2009

蓦然回首


漣漪，帶來更多的傷痕
離開，只是安慰自己的理由
莞爾，那些單純的畫面
時間，只是一種解藥也是一種毒品
決定，總是那麼的堅決，從不留情


明白，那无谓的遐想
徘徊，那寂寞的小巷
蹒跚，那破碎的心灵


上帝，
唯有你的怜悯
唯有你的大爱
安抚我。。。

be patient

flowers are beautiful
but you can't possess it
how sad!
photo by pacilia @ Bangkok 2007

in life, you always can't get things that you want
you just have to accept the way it is
and then you will get to understand yourself better


no pain no gain
in order for you to achieve something, you must pay the pain and gain for it
there are things also you have paid the pain but you gained nothing
what you can do is not blame to the situation but to learn from it


it's always not easy
and the beginning stage is even harder
then you try to come out with the decision
stick with it and slowly you try to forget all the things that happened


then you want to have a new begin
start looking forward for something new
as if everything would be alright

LOVE

Disneyland @LA, 2009
Missing the time in LA so much

"Relationship is not easy, love need to be learned "


He began with his speech by saying, I always believe life is like a train, there are people join you in the same train or leave you expectantly and in-expectantly in the train station.
He said: all human being in this earth are basically looking for two things, happiness and fulfillment. 
Having a meaningful connection with people will lead to happiness.
You can be surrounded by people yet your heart is lonely, deep inside of you nobody understand you. People may love you but that love is sophisticate. 
Love need to be wiser.
When you feel safe your heart will be opened. How do we learn to love wiser but not harder.
Do not try to change a person cause the more you force a person to change, the more he/she will against you.

In life. people may not remember what you said but they will remember how they feel when you nurture, encourage, love and care for them when there are in need. Do you ever inspired and warmed people's heart?

In the movie Avatar, the lady looks at the man and said I see you cause she see through his most beautiful character. We need to be able to scan and highlight everyone beauty that given by Lord.

Your journey has not ended yet, it's not hopeless. You are still on the train.


A summary of today church's sermon, it was an inspiring one :) 

Be Professional

after 5 years of being an architecture student
and now I call myself as an architect
the end is just the beginning
looking forward to the greatest challenge and professional architect wanna be
to build up the vision of reaching out to the community
to contribute as an architect should do
to prove that nothing is impossible
the journey has begun :)